My sister and I created some rules to follow in life. The first few in the list were created when I was about twelve, and others were in my teen years and later. Follow them closely.
- Do not enrage The Bear.
- If you can’t figure it out before the Jeopardy music runs out, you lose, so give up.
- π = P + I + E
- If you can’t sing, tell people not to listen.
- Swimming in a pool is just a fancy way of jumping in a lake.
- Embrace your inner door-hugger.
- Being late doesn’t matter unless someone notices.
- Never have your car window open all the way in case somebody throws a pie at you.
- Come prepared with an emotional safety harness.
- Flawed logic is better than no logic at all.
- Always be aware of how you relate to the person you are making fun of.
- Life is like a Walmart because you can’t find the marshmallows.
- The new “cool” is “purple like my shorts.”
- History repeats itself because people are stupid.
- WHID = Worldwide Haphazard Indicators of Doom
- If someone is wearing a superhero cap, the event is casual.
- Q: Would you like to come in?
A: Is that a threat?